By Rebecca Zung, Esq
It has been well-established that narcissists are energy vampires and will drain you of everything that you got. In this article, I will be sharing with you the top 5 things that narcissists will steal from you aside from your energy.
Coming in hot on number one: Your time. Narcissists can steal so much of it. I’m talking about the amount of work you have to put in for them. The things you have to do for them. When I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist, I realized I was doing the majority of the work, and I know so many people who are in a relationship like the one I had. They’re the ones doing most of the work, taking on all the responsibilities in the household, paying the bills, taking care of the children, and oftentimes are the breadwinner. They do all these things while their covert narcissist sits on their hands, twiddles their thumbs, and swoops right in to take the credit for everything. Narcissists steal so much of your time since you’re the one who is doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship. So that’s the first on this list. Time.
Number two: Your inner circle. It’s your family, friends, and the people that surround you. They steal your inner circle by uprooting you from everyone in your life that keeps you grounded and sane. Narcissists will make themselves your one and only in your life and isolate you from everyone else. One of the ways they do this is by wanting to have alone time with you, which seems innocuous then but then slowly progresses to acting jealous when you spend time with your inner circle. Before you know it, these narcissists would make these claims that they’re the only one that understands, knows, or loves you. That they’re the only one who is equipped to take care of you. Conversely, they would talk negatively about your inner circle claiming that they’re crazy, that they don’t understand what you’re going through, or that they don’t know you as much as they do. Ultimately, they will cost you all of your relationships since all they want is for you to focus solely on them
Third on this list is: Money! What’s yours is mine, and what is mine is mine. That’s certainly how narcissists see it. I’ve seen narcissists find their way to put their name on your bank account and essentially take over the finances, all the while hiding their own bank accounts, keeping them under lock and key. With them having access to your finances, you’ll soon be left wondering whatever happened to your money and where it all went. I’ve also seen people spend a ridiculous amount of money on their narcissists in the form of jewelry, cars, property, and everything and anything in between. Can be argued as a result of coercion and or manipulation, they hardly get a thank you or any form of appreciation. Narcissists will make it all feel like you giving them anything was just part of the deal. On the topic of divorce, it is evident that divorcing a narcissist is quite costly. It costs significantly more than your average type. A normal type of divorce will have both parties agree that the sooner things are settled, the better it is for them financially, spiritually, and emotionally especially when it involves kids. Narcissists on the other hand are known to use money as a tool during proceedings, dragging cases unnecessarily long until one or the other is financially dry, cornering them into submission and bankruptcy. Narcissists will take themselves down just to take you down.
Fourth on this list: Your identity. Narcissists will attach themselves to you not because you have so little to offer. They actually attach themselves to you because you have so much to give. You have to remember this at all times. For some, this concept is hard to swallow especially if they’ve been devalued and degraded to the point where their sense of identity, self-worth, and confidence has eroded due to being constantly hammered by narcissistic abuse. But I tell you this, narcissists aren’t interested in those things on the clearance racks. Instead, they want that shiny object on a pedestal they think will elevate them. They always want to look good, so they attach themselves to things that make them look good. Truly, they chose you because you are full of value. What’s revolting is by degrading you, it makes them feel even better about themselves. They get high when they get to degrade someone. They feel powerful when they bring people down.
Coming in fifth is: Your happiness. Having a relationship with a narcissist, may it be romantic, familial, or in a professional setting, will take its toll on you. They have their way of wearing you out that at the end of the day, you’re exhausted and all feel consumed by it all. There will be days when you’ll feel like you’re just an empty shell. Before I even knew the term “Energy Vampire”, before I even heard any of these terms, when I was in a professional relationship with a covert narcissist at my firm, I summed it as being leeched because I felt like this person was sucking from me. Again, they attach themselves to you because you provide them that kind of sustenance they crave for. They need something from you.
In spite of all the things narcissists can steal from you, there is one thing that they never can, no matter how hard they try, they can never take away your spirit. They can try to tarnish, blemish, and bury it, but your spirit will always remain. They can never take away the real you. And the way to be a Teflon to a narcissist is to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual. Through this, you’re more resilient to these tactics that they can throw your way. There’s a lesser chance that they can play you.
Always remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life. I’ll see you in the next article.