Early Red Flags of Narcissists
By Rebecca Zung, Esq.
Have you been in a relationship with a narcissist, or trying to get out of one? There are three major stages of narcissistic abuse. It starts with Love Bombing, then goes into Devaluing, and finally the Discard phase. In this article, we will go in-depth into the Love Bombing stage, and I will share with you the signs to look out for so you can spot them from a mile away, and ward them off before they even come near you. Today, I will give you the 6 early red flags of narcissism.
Number one: The relationship is moving fast. You’ll get the sense that they’re trying to get through the motions and moving at an overwhelming pace that you could barely process what’s going on. It feels like you need to constantly catch your breath just to keep up, or you might even wonder how you got to this stage of the relationship in such a short period. If you’ve seen this, it’s a red flag.
Number two ties up with the first red flag pretty nicely. They will say that you are soulmates. Even when you’re trying to put on the brakes to slow things down, there’s a good chance they’ll tell you that it’s not moving fast, that this is normal, and this is meant to be because you are soulmates. Narcissists will say these things that will make you feel like “Wow, where has this person been hiding all my life?” This happens right off the gate and they might say this as early as the first date, heck, I’ve heard cases wherein they’d say this before the first date even begins! Talk about being aggressive and fast! Narcissists will intentionally rush through this to get the narcissistic supply as soon as possible. It’s the very thing they crave and need to survive.
The third red flag that you should look out for is: They love everything you love. Narcissists will observe, study, and mirror you to the point that they become you. Everything that they like, or love is a reflection of yours, so you kind of fall in love with what you see in them…because, in effect, you are seeing yourself in them in a weird way. Narcissists are chameleons. They’re able to do this because they’re great at reading people since they’ve been doing this for years. If you’ve read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers, he talked about how ten thousand hours of practice is needed to achieve mastery, but these narcissists, they’ve done more than ten thousand hours! These are people who have taken an entire lifetime, lived, and breathed manipulation as a survival mechanism. They did this by finding ways to become needed and likable, so they shapeshifted to be that person. Chameleons.
Our fourth early red flag is: They will call their ex “crazy”. They will share stories of how horrible their living conditions were, or how awful their life was with the “crazy ex”. They might even tell you stories of how their ex alienated them from their kids or family, how this crazy ex ruined their life, and how it was such a traumatizing experience. That’s a massive red flag right there that you might be in a relationship with a narcissist. Remember, they lack accountability and blame everything on everyone except for themselves. This transitions to our fifth early red flag.
Number five: Narcissists will tell you a sob story to get you to feel sorry for them. They might share with you how terrible their childhood was, or how they were neglected or abused, basically how life has been unfair to them. This is all done so you’d have empathy and compassion for them to get you to take them in and foster them. They’ll draw you in to see if you’re able to provide what they need. This is one of the ways that narcissists will test if you’re a good source of narcissistic supply. It’s a trap and a huge red flag!
The last red flag is: Your gut will tell you something’s wrong. You’re going to know and feel that something is off and why wouldn’t you? You’re being rushed into something so fast it makes your head spin; you’re smothered by attention and affection, they always have answers to everything, and it is flawless, they seem to be perfect in all angles, and they’re always the victim and always the fragile one. Be warned, they are perfect up until they got you locked in, and when that happens that will be the beginning of stage two of narcissistic abuse. Trust your gut.
