A Narcissist’s Favorite Sayings

Have you been dealing with a narcissist and feeling like they say the same things over and over again? Dealing with a narcissist can leave you feeling confused and powerless at best, and traumatized and abused at worst. They are masters at using words as weapons in their quest for mass destruction. Because they have no inner sense of value, they use language to devalue, judge, and project responsibility for their bad behavior onto others. The-not-so-secret secret is that their targets are actually the stronger ones; the more secure one. So in order to keep up appearances they use certain catch phrases as their go-tos in order to maintain control of their victims. Here are a few of their favorites.

“You interrupted me.”

“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”

These phrases allow the narcissist to shift the conversation and take their control back. This deflects from whatever initial message the other individual was trying to portray in the conversation back on to the narcissist and what his or her needs might be. Narcissists will always come up with a reason to devalue anything that their target might say, to demonstrate through that whatever their target was saying doesn’t matter to them.

“Just because I didn’t…”

This is ultimately another form of narcissistic manipulation. They will say this as a way to make you responsible for their actions. For instance, if you ask a narcissist to take out the trash and it hasn’t been done yet. You ask them about it and remind them. They say to you, “Just because I didn’t do it as soon as you wanted me to doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do it.” This is a perfect example of narcissists making their victim feel guilty for having needs and wants, especially when their needs and wants should be

the only ones that matter. Saying this will also make you feel as if there’s something wrong with you. In response, you might feel like you are overbearing or controlling whereas you actually have a reasonable request and they are using this verbiage as a way to manipulate your emotions and behaviors. You might end up groveling trying to make them feel better because all of a sudden they have become a victim to your simple requests. This is exactly what they want you to do and by doing this, you’re not only enabling their behavior but also giving them the narcissistic supply they want and expect from you.

“What about you and your issues”

This is one of their favorite devaluing and deflecting tactics. If you criticize them or say something that they may receive as criticism, they will nearly always deflect by devaluing you. They will take this opportunity to point out all of the things that you do wrong, all of the things that you need to work on, etc. They will certainly not take responsibility for their behavior so instead they will divert the conversation by bringing up all of the things that they think is wrong with you.

“What more do you want from me?”

This is a typical narcissistic “fauxpology”. A lot of times you’ll hear them say that they are sorry that they couldn’t be perfect for you or that they are sorry that you feel a certain way. This isn’t an apology; this is another way of deflecting the blame back on to you in hopes of manipulating you into feeling guilty or bad. Your response is crucial in that if you react neutrally, you will not be giving them the narcissistic supply they are looking for.

“You made me…”

Once again, this is an example of a narcissist placing all of the blame back onto you. They will make you believe, or at least try to, that all of their negative behaviors are done in reaction to everything you do or don’t do properly. They might say that you made them cheat on you or that you put them in the position that they are in. Even if they are straight up lying, whatever they did it’s your fault. If you had been different, things would be okay.

“You’re the only one”

Narcissists gaslight their victims in a plethora of ways. One of the ways they do this is by making you feel alone and isolated. They will make you believe that you are alone in your thoughts and opinions, thus invalidating you, your emotions and your experience. If you judge or criticize them, they will tell you that you’re the only one who thinks that. They line up their flying monkeys beforehand in an effort to make these statements believable and almost honest. The narcissist will get to them before you even have the chance to talk about them behind their back. So, when they say this — it has often become true because they have manipulated everyone around them to see them in a positive light. This is a form of gaslighting and they use it because they want to make you feel alone and delusional.

Narcissists use a variety of phrases as part of their overall scheme of manipulation, devaluing, debasing, and intimidation. While there are endless phrases they could use, these are a few of the sayings that are their absolute faves. The best way to defend against them is not to react, not to get emotional, and even to go “no-contact” if at all possible.