4 Things a Narcissist NEVER Gets Over

Rebecca Zung
3 min readApr 23, 2024

By Rebecca Zung, Esq.

There are some things that a narcissist just don’t get over, and I’m going to share those with you right here, right now. So when you go to negotiate with a narcissist or deal with one, it’s important to know what to avoid if you want to steer clear of them or what to push on and trigger if you want to provoke certain reactions.

But there are some things that a narcissist just doesn’t get over, and when I teach people how to create leverage (which is what I teach people to do in terms of strategy), you do want to figure out what those pressure points are. I’m going to go over four of them right here, right now.

The first one is the loss of control. If you want to know a major pressure point with a narcissist, it’s no surprise that control is one of the things they are so concerned about. They constantly look for ways to keep you under control — that’s the whole point of getting you into their web in the first place. It’s the purpose of love bombing, manipulation, and all the fear-based tactics they employ.

I’m Rebecca Zung, the author of “Slay the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win,” a bestselling book and an attorney. If you haven’t subscribed, go ahead and do that now, hit the notification bell. They try from the beginning to get you into their web of control, and the first thing they never get over is that loss of control.

When they feel you slipping out of their hands, whether in a personal or professional relationship, it’s like, “What is going on here?” If you’re quitting your job, walking out the door, or they think you’ve found someone else, they panic. They believe you’re no longer interested, won’t be swayed by future faking, where they promise a better future while ignoring past mistakes. They say whatever they want, but it’s not going to happen anyway.

The next crucial aspect involves revealing vulnerabilities. Narcissists harbor significant apprehensions about their vulnerabilities. To establish leverage, it’s imperative to discern these weaknesses concealed behind their facade of strength. The key is to pinpoint a source of fulfillment that holds greater significance for them than the satisfaction derived from manipulating you. This vulnerability emerges as your most effective leverage, prompting unanticipated responses.

The third thing is a challenge to their superiority, especially in public. Challenging their ego, asserting yourself, or questioning their perceived godlike status triggers major responses. They need to be right and superior, even challenging themselves in court.

When making choices to challenge them, you’ll need support, and my community, Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, is an amazing place for that. If you need additional support, my sponsor, BetterHelp.com , can provide vetted help.

The final strategy involves deliberate indifference — choosing to ignore narcissists. Ignoring them is a potent move because, fundamentally, narcissists crave attention and acknowledgment. They vehemently resist being overlooked or bid farewell. While adopting the “gray rock” technique or expressing a firm goodbye and moving forward might pose challenges, it is undeniably the most advantageous course of action for your own well-being. Severing the connection that serves as their emotional supply is imperative, serving as a vital step towards maintaining your mental and emotional health.

If you found this article helpful, like it, share it, and engage in the comments. Subscribe to the channel, and remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life. I’m Rebecca Zung, and I can’t wait to keep you empowered and inspired in the next article!

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Rebecca Zung

She is a Top 1% attorney, narcissist negotiation expert, YouTuber & creator of the SLAY Your Negotiation w/ a Narcissist program. www.rebeccazung.com